practice

an oldie from november 2011

 

look the black bear in it’s infinitely toothed mouth
find the bone mapped route of the finite vein in my arm
i will bleed dry one day
what was will be and what is will be no more
wait
an apparition will be and what is will be no more
this is how we manifest ghosts and ruin them with flesh
i tried to hear you but something kept coming from behind
i tried to listen but it was deafening
i looked at your mouth for clues but the room grew dark
when i found the light switch you were gone
and i retraced our steps
while i moved alone

we’re not fearless
nor do we know JUST WHAT WE THINK WE’RE DOING
take this vein and follow it to it’s natural conclusion
it’s bound end
a cycle that changes with every revolution
and have the bear teeth give your breath back
so i can hear you clearly

all ways
maps lie
have ulterior motives
and sometimes so do we
as nonobvious to us as the culture we teethed on
wait
it’s not malicious
when i say stay another night
or i need you to leave
and it’s not cowardly
to say please be careful
please be honest
please

i still close my eyes when we’re talking in bed and our noses are inches from each other
fingers running the length of your spine
etching goosebumps and circling muscle
i still kiss my fingers and place them on the car’s roof when i run a red light
clammy hands and a cement foot
fuck the law, i am the interpreter

it is not a line i walk
and i am not in charge
like no one is in charge
but things happen
including accidents
i am not balancing despite antagonistic frenzy
it is a curve in time
a dialectic that lays a glass egg to break open
and explode the tension
a new course

i am not walking a line
i have been running
and all i want to do is lie here
kiss my fingers and place them on your eyes
we can’t stay here all day
and i believe in luck like i believe in fate
which is not at all
but that won’t keep me from pulling up the blanket
anyway.

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